Wayne Lapierre urges Americans to buy more guns to defend against the left

Funny story written by Newsbreaker

Saturday, 25 February 2017


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image for Wayne Lapierre urges Americans to buy more guns to defend against the left
LaPierre demonstrates how he would punch violent liberals who threaten him whilst bearing a rifle

MARYLAND - At the Conservative Political Action Conference on Friday, head of the National Rifle Association Wayne Lapierre strongly condemned public political activity of the left. He described actions of protesters who voice opposition to the policies of the current administration as violent and thusly undeserving of involvement in the political debate.

While speaking at the conference, LaPierre then made the case that he can read the minds of the protesters. He claimed the people of the left want revenge on those in the audience. LaPierre added the left wishes to punish & purge them because the left hates America and the left blame the audience for everything wrong in America. He then went on record as divining the left is willing to use violence against America. Lapierre also begged a question to his listeners about what happens when terrorists show up to a protest at their local airport.

The National Rifle Association was founded in 1871 and for many years functioned mainly as an organization to teach gun safety for sportsman, but recent decades have seen the organization focus mainly on gun politics instead. LaPierre is a millionaire with a $970K salary whose modern NRA relies on a business model of significant donations from gun lobby supporters, huge funding from gun companies, & millions of $35 membership dues. The money the NRA collects that doesn't go to funding NRA infrastructure & pay-rolling millionaire salaries is mostly spent on politics of making guns more profitably accessible & politically inciting fear to increase demand for guns and the NRA. Gun enthusiasts who have known LaPierre in the past have described the man as "someone you wouldn't want to go shooting with as he is more of a politician than a sportsman."

Before leaving, LaPierre then asked his audience to have everyone where they live buy more guns and NRA memberships and to donate money to the NRA to protect gun rights so proper Americans can defend themselves from the leftist non-American terrorists.

Gun lobbyists praised LaPierre for "speaking the truth" and a handful Gadsden flag toting conservatives outside the conference expressed excitement at the prospect of "gunning down those terrorist America-hating rebels like proper savages should be." Several chanted slogans like "America for Americans!", "We are the real America!", and "America! Fuck yeah!"

Liberals are aghast at LaPierre's comments and at are at a loss for words at this time.

Political commentators point out LaPierre effectively used strawman, circular argument, appeal to numbers, sweeping generalization, and post hoc ergo propter hoc fallacies very effectively to convince his base they need him and to anger them for his own personal gain.

Average American gun owners facepalmed in embarrassment.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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