The ICE Man Cometh

Funny story written by JennyNorthStar

Wednesday, 22 February 2017

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Only In America - With all the controversy the Trump administration has created with its new immigration enforcement policies, the little known and greatly underappreciated U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) agency has been thrust into the national spotlight. Previously, many Americans thought an ICE agent's mission was to watch for thin ice on a city's local ponds and lakes. Or, locate and capture the Abdominal Snowman. Many people have been horrified to learn ICE agents drag illegal alien mothers from their crying children and then kick them out of the country. Some people have even liken them to Hitler's Brown Shirts.

On February 16, immigrants across the U.S. stayed away from work as part of "A Day Without Immigrants." Employees gave up wages in protest of the immigration policies of Trump, hoping to show American consumers what an economy without immigrant labor would mean for the services and goods many rely on. However, it didn't seem to have the desired effect. Hundreds of protesters across the country were fired from their jobs after skipping work to take part in the demonstration. Maybe because their employers got wind of the timing of the protest: With President's Day holiday on the following Monday, that meant a five day weekend!

There have been many movies and television shows based on the exploits and heroics of CIA and FBI agents. None about ICE agents. I suppose this won't change. It's just too honorific to contemplate watching these big meanies breaking down doors, dragging helpless immigrants through the street, and hitting them over the heads with truncheons. To make matters even worse, just this week it has been announced that the Federal government will be adding another 10,000 ICE agents. Since most Americans know very little about an ICE agent, as a public service the top ten most frequently asked questions and answers about ICE men as been provided.

Top Ten Questions and Answers About ICE Men

10. What does an ICE agent call a "Day Without Immigrants" protest?
"Home Delivery"

9. What does an ICE agent call a Mexican illegal alien protest march?
"Easy Pickens"

8. What does an ICE agent call illegal alien enforcement in Alaska?
"Immigrants on Ice"

7. What does an ICE agent use to clean his teeth?
"Ice Pick"

6. How can you spot an ICE agent out of uniform?
"You can see his breath"

5. What is an ICE agent's favorite sport?
Duh. "Ice Hockey"

4. What does an ICE agent call democrats?
"Ice Breakers"

3. What does an ICE agent call extreme vetting?
"Water Boarding"

2. What does an ICE agent call a "Sanctuary City"?
"Paradise Lost"

1. What does an ICE agent call a liberal thinking wife?

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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