President-elect Donald Trump announced today that in appreciation of Vladimir Putin's help in his election that he will, after his inauguration, give Russia the states of Alaska and Hawaii. "I am throwing in Christie," said Trump, "for shits and giggles. I have many others now to get my McDonalds."
Trump also announced several other appointments in his new administration including that of Larry the Cable Guy to the post of UN Ambassador and David Duke to be the new head of Health and Human Services. I have also promised diversity in my new administration and to this end I am appointing my friend and loyal supporter Ben Carson to the post of receptionist at the front desk at the White House."
In related news, Trump has informed Fox News he would not be living at the White House. An anonymous source has told Fox that Melania Trump told close confidantes after her visit there, "I do not live in such a place! Don't come this far to live like trailer trash!"
