A leaked transcript of a White house meeting reveals plans to lure the country's Trump Voters to Florida on election day and wall them in to help ensure the peaceful transfer of power.
Voice #1: "The traditional peaceful transfer of power after a presidential election, fundamental to our democracy, is in jeopardy. What happens if Trump somehow wins? Will Barrack and Hilary say they were just kidding about him being a truly dangerous unfit con artist and no hard feelings about that 5 year long race baiting Birther movement as US military leaders walk over to Trump with the nuclear codes?"
Voice #2: "Trump will probably lose. Still, that doesn't guarantee a peaceful transition. Trump's already convinced a majority of his supporters the election is illegitimate if he loses. He's recruiting voting station vigilantes. Trump supporter sheriff David Clarke from Milwaukee said its time for 'pitch forks and torches. How many of Trump's gun loving hard core base might do something violent?"
Voice #1: "I'm just thinking out loud, but what if we announce that to offset the rigged election, Trump negotiated a deal in which anyone that casts a Trump vote in Florida will have it counted as two votes from their home state. Then, we announce the greatest Trump rally of all time on election day in Florida; the largest NASCAR event; the largest Harley Davidson motorcycle convention, free assault rifles handed out as they cross the border..."
Voice #2: "Where are you going with this?"
Voice #1: "We lure hard core Trump voters in to Florida; get them packed in there; and then quickly unfurl a razor wire fence along the state's north border stretching from the Gulf of Mexico to the Atlantic Ocean. Then, we start construction of the real wall right next to it. That's a wall Mexico might be willing to pay for."
Voice #2: "What about the Hillary supporters in Florida?"
Voice #1: "We'd have to get them out somehow. Give them incentives to vote in South Carolina, or airlift them out of Florida after the election."
Voice #2: "If it worked, it would get crowded down there in Florida."
Voice # 1: "We could promise Trump supporters free housing."
Voice #4: "Yes. We can put them in tent cities modeled after Syrian refugee camps."
Voice #1: "I'm trying to be serious."
Voice #4: "The Red Cross might pay for that tent city; just tell them we're quarantining people to stop the spread of a resurgent xenophobe epidemic."
Voice #2: "What about after the election? It's not like we can just let them back in after the peaceful transfer of power. They're going to be upset for a while."
Voice #4: "We could let a few of them back in every year. They'd have to go through 'extreme vetting'. As immigrants re-entering the upper 49, we'd need assurances they'd developed American values like tolerance for different religions and ethnicities."
Voice #1: "We'll worry about what to do with them later. First we have to lure them down there."
Voice #4: "What about appealing to Trump voter anti-elitism? We could tell them Florida universities will be shut down and demolished."
Voice #1: "Not fair. A lot of Trump supporters want to send their kids to college."
Voice #4: "They can go to Trump University."
Voice #2: "Trump University doesn't have real academics."
Voice #4: "We'll create some. We'll appoint Trump surrogate Katrina Pierson as chair of the 'Revisionist History Department.' Scholarly emphasis will be on how Obama and then secretary of state Hilary got us in to Afghanistan and Iraq and founded ISIS. Scottie Nell Hughes will head up the 'Ethics in Media' department. Rudy Giuliani can head the 'Institute for study of Giuliani's heroic role after the 9/11 attacks."
Voice #1: "If you don't have anything practical to..."
Voice #4: "We could say Trump supporters wearing T-shirts saying "Hillary sucks, but not as good as Monica", or "Trump that Bitch," will get preferential seating at the rally. If they also claim to hate Muslim societies because of how awful they treat their women, they also get to meet Trump backstage."
Voice #2: "One thing. If we actually do this, Marco Rubio is not getting out of Florida. And he thought that his little cowardly Trump endorsement video at the GOP convention wasn't going to haunt him."
Voice #1: "What about Healthcare in post-election day Florida? People with MD degrees are mostly Hilary supporters. There won't be many doctors down there."
Voice #2: "They'll have Ben Carson."
Voice #4: "We could also send in Harold Bornstein, that doctor who wrote the fake Trump medical statement in 5 minutes. Bornstein can claim that everyone's health in Florida is astonishingly excellent; the best he's ever seen'. That way, nobody has to get any treatments."
Voice #1: "Seriously, what about emergencies like gunshot wounds, heart attacks..."
Voice #4: "Dr. Oz could hang out in emergency rooms and sell DVDs of his show."
Voice #2: "How would post-election Florida be governed?"
Voice #4: "Offer Vladimir Putin a governorship. Tell him he can put a few short range nuclear missals in Cuba; like ones that could only reach Tallahassee; as long as Governor Putin agrees to act with stronger leadership than the weak soft president Obama.
And since Trump thinks the American media is so awful, Putin could help him reform Florida laws on journalists and free speech."
Voice #2: "Would Florida get any federal money?"
Voice #4: "Definitely would need some kind of Florida 'Trump tax'. This extra money would be used to offset the lack of taxes paid by Trump himself. The rest of the money would go to Trump's charity to fund any Trump purchases of autographed football helmets of evangelical athletes, or portraits of himself."
Voice #2: "We could lure Trump voters to Florida with promises of VA reforms."
Voice #4: "Yes. Then when they're walled in, we announce that POW military pensions will be cut in half because they let the country down by getting caught. We'll name it the 'Pathetic John McCain Endorsement of Trump VA Penalty."
Voice #2: "Stop. What kind of real changes would draw Trump voters to Florida?"
Voice #1: "We could tell them Florida will have the strictest bathroom laws; that correct gender will be checked by DNA analysis before anyone's allowed in a public bathroom."
Voice #4: "Then, once their walled in, we'll project holograms of naked transsexuals standing next to every urinal and toilet."
Voice #1: "We could lure them by saying how great the Florida beaches are."
Voice #4: "Yes. Then, when in there we mandate a statewide program; a photo of every woman who puts on a bathing suit will be posted online with a video of Trump critiquing her body."
Voice #1: "How do we get evangelical Trump supporters down there?"
Voice #4: "We could say we're converting all Florida planned parenthood operations in to 'defense of marriage clinics' where homosexuals can be sent for conversion therapy. Anyone caught performing or having an abortion would be subject to the death penalty. Then, on Sundays as families enter churches, we'll play a looped audio tape of Trump bragging he can grab any woman's pussy he wants.
Weigh stations will be set up at random pedestrian intersections. All females will be weighed. A database tracking weight gain will be publicly available. Biggest weekly gainers will be forced to exercise at a televised press conference as Trump mocks them while eating a McDonald's hamburger.
Any Trump tweets between the hours of 3 and 5 AM will set off warning alarms in every Florida cell phone. The tweet will then be read by the phones voice robot until the user takes the battery out.
On a 24 video channel, every Trump female voter in Florida cheated on by a male partner must explain why she enabled his infidelity. Then she must apologize to the women her partner cheated with, in case they were made to feel insulted or uncomfortable.
I don't think it would hurt to build some David Duke statues in Florida. 1. They might increase Trump white supremacist voter presence. 2. They might remind Trump who David Duke is; in case somebody on TV asks him if he would denounce David Duke or the KKK. Ben Carson and Pastor Mark Burns can unveil the David Duke statues.
On every female Florida drivers license, there will be a section filled in by Trump marked either 'yes' or 'no' indicating whether Trump thinks the woman is attractive enough to be groped sexually without consent.
A memorial will be built at the site of the Orlando nightclub massacre. We'll erect a large lit up plastic trump face smiling next to a sign that reads 'Thanks for all your congratulations on me predicting this mass shooting by Obama backed Islamic radicals..."
Voice #1: "I'm not sure if your kidding or not."