After his resounding success as the 2016 Republican Presidential Candidate, Donald Trump moves on to bigger and better things. He renounces his candidacy as of Monday, August 8th.
"Smart people know I don't waste time. I've been the Republican Candidate for ages now. I'm bigger than this."
When asked what position is more powerful than President of the United States, Trump responded:
"Emperor of the World."
When asked to explain that, he added:
"I don't sweat details. My people are handling it. It will happen so fast. Believe me."
Interviews with anonymous sources close to Trump illuminated details. Trump will immediately fly to a secluded tropical island where workers are erecting a 200 foot gold statue of Trump and establishing a "command center" for world command. Contractors will complete a golf course shortly.
From there the story gets more interesting. It involves a cast of thousands.
Four unnamed Hollywood directors, along with supporting movie crew staff stand poised on 24 hour rotations to bring realistic worldwide live feeds to this command center, indefinitely. Over 121 world leaders have agreed to be available to play out scenarios on live camera as requested. They will also maintain twitter contact. Hundreds of A-list and other celebrities stand by to visit regularly and attend parties and listen in adoration. Again, they will also keep contact via twitter.
Who is financing this enterprise?
The electronic trail proves hard to follow. One solid trail leads to GOP backed sources. However, infinite thumbprints indicate other sources in play including: the Democratic Party, billionaires protecting investments, multiple large Asian trade nations, countless other foreign powers wary of unpredictability, past business partners, and even weary close family members and demoralized campaign staff.
"It seems a small cost to pay for the chaos avoided," one anonymous donor admitted.