Webb: Vietnam was 'happiest time of my life'

Funny story written by Nik Beimler

Wednesday, 14 October 2015

Following Tuesday night's first Democratic presidential primary debate, former senator Jim Webb was given a chance to clarify one of the most memorable comments of the evening.

Asked which enemy of his he is most proud of, Webb replied, "I'd have to say the enemy soldier that threw the grenade that wounded me, but he's not around right now to talk to."

Many viewers took this to mean that the Webb, a marine who fought in Vietnam, was proud to have killed a man in combat.

After the debate, Webb was asked exactly what he meant by his answer, and he stuck to his guns.

"Why am I proud of making that enemy? Because that soldier helped make Vietnam the happiest time of my life," Webb told reporters. "I've never been more at peace with the world than while I was being shot at and was shooting back.

"I grew up in a military family and lived all over the country as a boy," Webb added. "I didn't have much, but I worked for everything I got. I eventually made it to Vietnam, and found myself face to face with human beings who were trying to kill me. That's the American dream right there. I'm living proof that you don't need to be a millionaire or have parents in the top one-percent to go to war and shoot people.

Other candidates listed the NRA, the coal lobby, and Republicans as some of their proudest enemies, but the former secretary of the navy believed that Democratic voters wanted to hear about his use of firearms in one of the most unpopular wars in American history.

"As president, I will make sure that everyone has a chance to experience what I did," Webb said. "Everyone in these United States deserves to have their very own Vietnam."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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