Boise, Idaho - A furious row has broken out about human breast milk purchased on the internet after four pints sold by alleged newly-lactating mother Ms Shirley-Sue Throbtrotter, 15, tested positive for something much worse.
According to a complaint received by the Idaho Breastfeeding Council which impounded the secretion the sample proved 'barely human', contained traces of 'nuts' and smelled a lot like asses' milk.
A high, 46% alcohol content also raised suspicions about provenance because as everyone knows, fifteen year-old primagravida Idaho mothers generally do not drink booze.
Analysis by the IBS's mass spectrometer also found post-menopausal hormones typical of elderly slags indigenous to Pocatello, in particular to the town's notorious serial online fraudster Maisie Krotchbleeda, 69.
Ms Throbtrotter, who made $100 for the half gallon supply, has denied involvement in any scam and insists everything she mailed out was personally squeezed out of her left tit at 7am one morning to take advantage of night-accumulated melantonin levels.
The dispute is continuing to simmer at the IBC where the confiscated batch may have to be destroyed after turning sour overnight.
Half a pint of authentic Boise teenager's breastmilk normally retails around six bucks.