Health Advisories Hazardous to Health: Researchers Link Teen Male Car Wrecks to Katy Perry Breastfeed Promo

Funny story written by NWNewsmash

Sunday, 27 March 2011

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Health Advisories - it may be safer not knowing.

Researchers Link Teen Male Car Wrecks, Katy Perry Breastfeed Promo Noting an increase in health advisory-related accidents, the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services is now urging people to ignore all broadcasted public health messages.

"While we cannot establish direct causality,a strong correlation is emerging between certain public health campaigns and negative behavior, such as distracted driving accidents and panic attacks," said O.D. Ebby, Chief Researcher for the HHS.

The government's breastfeeding campaign,featuring Katy Perry and Lady Gaga, has been connected to a rash of fender benders involving male teens during key radio drive times.

"I am frankly puzzled by that correlation," said Ebby. "The health message isn't aimed at these young men, so I am not really sure what the distraction is all about."

However, Val Perryman, 18, of Richland, Washington attributes a near fatal crash to the Katy Perry commercial.

"I was so caught up creating a mental image to go with her audio that I sideswiped a wheat truck! An accident report from the Washington State Patrol confirms that Perryman was nearly suffocated when his convertible filled with hard red winter wheat.

Not all sources for this story agree with this health advisory advisory.

"I am glad health agencies are looking out for us. I don't know how else I would obtain information so critical to my family's health," said Linnea Tinking as she loaded groceries into her Lexus.

"Thanks to these advisories I know which cars are safest to drive and which food is safest to eat. Just this morning I heard a new one - something about wheat causing suffocation! How else would I have found out about the danger? No more wheat for my family!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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