War Breaks Out Between LA Schools And City

Funny story written by Keith Shirey

Friday, 19 September 2014

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The Los Angeles School Police Department has received 61 M16 assault rifles, three grenade launchers, and a mine-resistant vehicle from the Pentagon via its 1033 program to get rid of surplus military equipment and give them to local policed departments. This has gotten a lot of attention ever since the Ferguson Police Department decided to roll through town outfitted like an occupying army rather than a peacekeeping force.

But Chief Steven Zipperman of the LA School Police complained that his mine-resistant vehicle had a tiny turret on top with which to kill rioting students "outside agitators." "The San Diego School Police got a real tank with a huge turret. Their turrets bigger than mine," complained Zipperman.

"Not only that, but the Los Angeles Police Department has surplus military equipment that includes much bigger guns that the Pentagon gave us. They have machine guns and we just have assault rifles," said the school cop.

"What's up with that"," questioned Chief Zipperman? I want a gun as big as LAPD 's Top Gun, Charlie Beck," he said.

"Well, at least we have the Vietnam War grenade launchers and our snipers in those really neat camouflage uniforms and army surplus boots ready to kill the Isis sleeper cells students that are probably already in our L.A. schools," said Zipperman.

Chief Beck, In hearing of Chief Steven's complaints about the small turret and guns, as compared to those of the LAPD, said that his city cop department was bigger than the school district police departments.

"This is clearly a case of gun turret envy," said Beck.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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