Strange Game, Odd Team - Red Team Looking to Fall Playoffs

Funny story written by The Ruling Authority

Thursday, 13 March 2014

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Spring is in the air and with it comes a strong whiff of manure being spread on the playing fields. Training commenced at the recent CPAC outing where team owners Charles and David Koch and principal coaches John Boehner and Mitch McConnell evaluated the potential team roster for the league playoff game this fall (and with an eye to the Big Game in 2016). There was a great deal of trash talk said about the Blue Team, but little was said that might increase the number of women and Hispanic fans that are hoped to fill the stands this fall and root for the team.

In the last big game, center fielder Jon Huntsman was removed from the game early, leaving that position empty with disastrous results for the team. In fact, rookie Tea Party players were able to eliminate positions in both left and center fields, causing all fielders to crowd the right side foul line even to the point where Ted Cruz was actually playing in the second tier of the right side bleacher seats.

The present pitching staff specializes in curves, sliders, and outside fastballs, but seem unable to get anything over the plate. (Fair pitches have become a rarity for this team.) Rookie players, many moved up into major league positions directly from farm teams, show little ability to play the game either fairly or effectively and refuse to listen to their coaching staff.

Whether the Red Team can come together and put together a realistic strategy to pitch and make hits is uncertain at this point. Judging from recent performance, the Reds are too clumsy and out of date to attract fans and play the game effectively, though their rhetoric and bluster would suggest otherwise.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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