WASHINGTON -- Former President Bill Clinton once told an audience in Australia that he could have received oral sex from at least two dozen of Osama bin Laden's teen-age wives, and had in fact packed ennough cigars and sanitary smocks for the rendezvous, but canceled his plans when Hillary decided she wanted tag along on the excursion, according to audio released this week.
"Although I could have, I did not have sexual relations with those women -- Mrs. bin Ladens," said Clinton, who was recorded speaking at a business meeting in Melbourne hours before the 9/11 terrorist attacks. The nearly 13-year-old tape was released earlier this week.
While Clinton spoke of a missed opportunity to kill bin Laden in December 1998, the topic quickly turned to his favorite subject -- sex. That is, sex with women other than Hillary.
Clinton said intelligence revealed that some of bin Laden's teen-age wives -- at least two dozen, or possibly more, depending on your definition of "wife" -- were living in a little wasteland of a town in Afghanistan called Abootyden while bin Laden was away on a spelunking vacation.
"My first thought was, 'Let's get Air Force One fueled up and head on over there ASAP,''' he said. "While the terrorist is away, the commander in chief will play. I was getting everything ready, the cigars, the sanitary smocks, the sax, my Usher CDs."
His advisers cautioned against such a journey, fearing he may be a target of bin Laden's loyalists and because the closest McDonald's was in China. Clinton said he believed someone also tipped off Hillary, who suddenly decided she wanted to go along.
"Hillary never wanted to travel abroad with me, unless she suspected I had 'ulterior motives' for my trips," said Clinton. "I remember one time I was packing for Japan, when Al Gore started talking about these great Geisha massage parlors, and I tried to quiet him down but Hillary's ears perked up like a schnauzer being summoned with a hot dog. She doesn't miss anything."
Clinton said he doesn't regret the missed opportunity, noting "I more than made up for it on other occasions."