Bush Dissolves Congress

Written by Jalapenoman

Monday, 13 November 2006

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Dissolved - just like sugar in water

President George Bush, in an unprecedented move, had dissolved the Senate and the House of Representatives. The movement has already been upheld by the U.S. Supreme Court, whose vote to support the measure was split along party lines. Said Bush in a news conference in the White House Briefing Room, "The American People have spoken. We need to stay the course on our war against terror and cannot do this if we are battling against a hostile entity within our own government."

Following is a transcript of the questions and answers from that news conference:

Helen James, ABC news: "Mr. President, you said that the American people have spoken. Well, they also spoke just last week through the ballot box and elected the Congress that you just dissolved. Which speaking are you listening to?"

Bush: "They elected me to this office two years ago. I promised a war on terror and I'm going to fight it to its bitter end. There were also some irregularities in the voting in this recent election and I've turned it over to the Florida Supreme Court to settle that matter."

Bob Lemon, NBC news: "Mr. President, there is no precedence in this country or in our constitution for the move that you just made. What gives you the authority to dissolve an entire branch of government?"

Bush: "Before World War Two, Hitler dissolved the Rice..., the Rick..., the Rich..., he got rid of their congress too. He could not successfully carry out his mandate, so he took away the thing that opposed him."

Tim Grapefruit, CBS news: "So are you comparing yourself to Hitler?"

Bush: "Great men must do great things to become greater. The greatest good for the greatest number. Stay the course (Daddy said that!)."

Tim Grapefruit, CBS news: "Please answer my question. Mr. President, are you comparing yourself to Adolf Hitler of Germany?"

Bush: "If you mean the Hilter that united a nation, rebuilt a devastated economy and infrastructure, put millions of people back to work, and wore some really neat uniforms, then yes."

Eric Kiwi, Associated Press: "What about the elections two years from now?"

Bush: "What elections? In 2004, you voted me President for Life."

Kevin Applebutter, Fox News: "What other glorious changes will you be making, my wonderful leader?"

Bush: "Effective immediately, the Cub Scouts, Boy Scouts, Brownies, and Girl Scouts will become the Bush Youth. They will get these cute little brown uniforms and arm patches. Rush Limbaugh will be piped in to all work places and everyone will listen to his program daily. My picture will hang in all churches, schools, and public buildings. The Texas Rangers will be declared winners of the World Series every year. We will set up a glorious government that will reign for a thousand years!"

At the conclusion of the this statement by our Glorious Father, those reporters who laughed, snickered, or rolled their eyes were taken out and shot.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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