Nicky Minaj recruited for psychological warfare

Funny story written by Frank the gunslinger

Tuesday, 1 April 2014

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Psychological warfare has been around for hundreds of years but it really took off in the second World War. During Vietnam, it was used to an even greater effect and cutting edge techniques were developed to assist the war fighting effort.

Fast forward to Afghanistan, and further developments are being made on a staggering scale. One of these recently declassified projects, "Operation bleeding ears" was unveiled at a Maryland Government Contractor trade show.

More and more United States Army vehicles are being equipped with special speakers to broadcast messages and propaganda. The technology itself is nothing new with examples being sited in Vietnam, Panama and Iraq. What has changed however is the messages that are being delivered.

A spokesman from the Pentagon reported that Nicky Minaj has agreed to be the latest weapon in the war on terror. Several of her tracks have been used to strike fear and confusion into the enemy.

Master Sergeant Ferris Orton confirmed that the weapon is currently being used in Afghanistan.

"It's been in effect for a few months, we've kept it on the down low," he stated from Camp Eggers. "I don't think that the brass realized this was was going to be so effective. It causes great irritation to the Taliban and after continuous exposure, affects their balance before gradually causing paralysis."

It is believed that the British Army has developed a similar modus operandi utilizing the boy band, "One Direction."

"We haven't had as much success as the Americans," commented Major General Sir Thomas Teadrinker, "but it is early days yet. Some of the tunes are catchy at first and we caught a couple of the enemy bopping away. We are confident that this will dissipate if we continue playing it non stop."

Asked if there were any side effects to the program, the Major replied, "Oh definitely. Our own troops heard this all over the radio back in the UK and we have to be very careful ensuring that the speakers are pointed in the right direction, pardon the pun. The results could be disastrous."

The British Operation had one victory recently when a senior member of the Taliban surrendered after hearing that the Band was due to tour later this year.

"I just hope they take me to Guantanamo Bay before the band gets here," he was interpreted as saying during his detainment interview.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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