Juneau, Alaska - "Bigfoot sightings, yes! Weird Russian-speaking aliens, yes! But satanists? On MY watch?? There were categorically NO satanists in North Pole or anywhere else in Alaska while I was Governor," Sarah Palin said today.
"Besides, as everyone knows, all the devil worshippers migrated to DC a long, long time ago!"
The former White House vice presidential candidate was commenting on reports that
alleged 19 year-old Craigslist Killer Miranda Barbour was recruited and groomed by a North Pole, Alaska satanic killer ring specialising in the deadly arts
Since her arrest the teenager has said she has killed 22 in a satanic bloodbath rampage stretching from Alaska to California, Texas, North Carolina and Pennsylvania.
This morning federal shrinks were on standby to interview Ms Barbour as doubts were being cast about the North Pole devil-worship ring following ex-Governor Palin's comments.
"Uh, one of these women is lying," Professor Einstein Flintstone, FBI resident psychiatrist, said, "smart money says it has to be...uh, on one of them!"
Stay tuned for more fast-breaking developments.