U.S. Running Out of Ph.D. Positions

Funny story written by Wumf

Sunday, 2 February 2014

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Harvard Ph.D. graduates wait for jobs

BOSTON, MASSACHUSETTS - The Boston Consortium announced today that the U.S. is running out of Ph.D. positions. With a student count of 122,000, the Boston Consortium Schools report they cannot possibly guarantee their Ph.D. candidates jobs when they graduate.

"Even British Universities have been sending their Ph.D. candidates over here," says J. Fatheringham III, spokesman for the Consortium, "and that makes the situation more dire."

Fatheringham surmises that most Ph.D. graduates will not find jobs in the U.S., where there is a dearth of positions. He also believes most will not want to take jobs at foreign universities where more jobs may be available, because the institutions don't provide the same level of pay, cushy benefits, and world renown that Boston Consortium Ph.D. graduates have come to expect.

"While waiting for jobs in their specific fields of expertise, a high percentage of British Ph.D. graduates end up working in fish and chips shops in the London suburbs," he explains. "Fortunately, our U.S. graduates fare somewhat better because our country has many more fast food chains, as well as Starbucks."

The situation is under advisement in the Massachusetts Commonwealth Senate Ways and Means Committee, where politicians are looking for ways and means to deal with this growing higher education problem.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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