Startling New Definitions In Dictionary Update

Funny story written by Keith Shirey

Thursday, 23 January 2014

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The Oxford English Dictionary online has been updated to include some "Americanisms." Last year the quarterly publications included new words or terms such as "Selfing" and "OMG,." as in "OMG, I Am, Like, Literally Unfriending You."

The new online update includes:

Bullshit. n, adj. A term associated with such politicians as Sen. Ted Cruz of the state of Texas, who was both a brilliant undergraduate and Harvard law school student, whose every public word consists of pronouncements designed to pander to the bigoted and uneducated public whose votes he needs to ascend to the American Presidency.

University, n. An institution of higher learning largely supported by corporations and the wealthy teaching students conformity to corporate values and primarily dedicated to the fielding of successful football teams to gain support from successful alumni.

Corporation, n. An entity described by the Supreme Court of the United States as being endowed with "personhood," but with none of the responsibilities of an individual. An example would be repeated criminal behavior, say chemical pollution of rivers and streams, which would earn an actual individual a lifetime sentence in prison; none of its CEO's have faced criminal prosecution.. The corporation always gets off with, in terms of its actual earnings, very insignificant fines. Also, an entity, which controls the U.S. Government and buys and sells politicians as if they were commodities on the stock exchange.

Tea Party. n. A creation of the billionaire Koch Brothers made up of mostly of petty bourgeois, racist, semi-anarchists who have been duped into identifying with the interests of the wealthy and multi-national corporations.

Fundamentalist Christian. n. A group of primitive religious zealots who interpret selected Biblical passages in a literalist fashion to conform to racist, anti-science, homophobic, and sexist prejudices.

To see more updated words and terms, you can go online. As they are added to by OED this columnist will report on them.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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