Harry Reid Bites Boehner

Funny story written by G. Brookings

Friday, 4 October 2013

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Harry Reid Before His Tea Party Breakdown

Harry Reid, the Democratic Senate Majority leader, recently delivered a series of blistering attacks from the Senate floor on his Republican colleagues. "They are anarchists," Reid was quoted as saying, "because they hate government. And hating government makes them lunatics, child molesters, pornographers, racists and terrorists, since government is all that stands between these monsters and ordinary middle class Americans. If you hate government, you hate America," Reid said in an aggressive defense of Democratic party, big-government values. While Reid customarily issues these accusations in the barely audible whisper of a man just recovered from a severe mental breakdown, his legendary pugilistic style has sparked new interest in the man some call the Nevada Chihauhua.

Reporters who have covered Reid note that while he presents a harmless, milquetoast appearance, he is a fierce defender of his own financial interests and has been linked to more corruption and conflict of interest scandals than any active Senator or Congressman. In a fit of pique Reid once choked La Toya Jackson's future husband, Jack Gordon, by the neck when Gordon proposed a casino-related bribe. In an effort to explain this volcanic personality without resorting to the usual explanation - that Reid is only four and a half feet tall and stands on a box when speaking in the Senate -- CNN reported that Reid converted to Mormonism from Demonism early in life. Intimates of Reid say that the secret source of his information during that last election campaign that Romney had paid no taxes was a divine spirit who came to Reid with a tax message for the world.

Reid's recent explosive behavior has renewed concerns among supporters about his mental health. AP reported yesterday that Reid snapped at and actually bit House Speaker John Boehner on the leg after the two argued over Reid's public accusations that Boehner is a coward and a traitor. Boehner was given a series of rabies shots as a precaution and advised to stay away from Reid, who denies the allegations. "I just tore the leg of his pants and did not break the skin," Reid contended.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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