The U.S. Army Is Getting Extremely Strict Regarding Tattoos

Written by Abel Rodriguez

Wednesday, 25 September 2013

image for The U.S. Army Is Getting Extremely Strict Regarding Tattoos
The U.S. Army will be shutting down all of its on-base tattoo parlors.

WASHINGTON, D.C. - Reports coming out of the U.S. Department of The Army state that the military branch will soon be coming out with new guidelines regarding ink art or tattooing as it is commonly called.

The Secretary of The Army Johnny McHugh issued a statement stating that the tattoo matter has gotten way out of hand.

He said that he does not understand why men and women want to look like Jesse James or Kat Von D.

The secretary noted that tattoos make the tattooie look like a carnival worker and the United States Army is not in the circus business.

He said that the new U.S. Army Tattoo Law will state that anyone who has a tattoo below his or her elbows or below his or her knees will not be allowed to join the army.

McHugh also remarked that anyone with ink art above his or her neckline will be barred from entering the military service.

He did say that tattoos located in the crotch region will be allowed since they will not be seen by anyone other than the individual's spouse and or boyfriend or girlfriend.

He was asked what about those individuals who are already in the army and who have tattoos that do not fall within the new guidelines.

The secretary smiled and said that anyone who is presently in the army and who has tattoos deemed to be illegal will have to pay to have them lasered off.

SIDENOTE: Secretary McHugh was asked if having illegal tattoos would be grounds for someone being discharged from the Army. He laughed and so "Hell no! We run an army not a university sorority."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more