The world was stunned early this morning as brown smoke spewed from the Vatican chimney. "What does this mean? What has happened? Have the Cardinals lost their minds?"
As the media speculated and the worlds Catholics tried desperately to make sense of the news, the Cardinals inside the Vatican remained silent. It was not until late today that a red-faced and stammering Cardinal Carlo Menotti of Milan faced an angry and restless media.
Cardinal Menotti: "We were just kidding---for God's sake!," stammered the red-faced Menotti. "It's this way," he paused and wiped a bead of sweat from his brow, "we were all nervous and the pressure was immense, so you know, we wanted to relax a little and take the pressure off."
He paused again and took a deep breath, "well you know we decided to do a little vino and then Cardinal Klink brought out some Schnapps and the Cardinal from Ghana started to sing, a few of the guys started to dance, and then Klink brought out a case of his Schnapps and then Dolan from New York started to do the Harlem Shake and then someone says, "how about the vote" and Klink says, "I don't give a shisa," and then everyone starts to laugh and shout, "give a shisa, give a shisa," and well,"
Menotti paused and took a long drink out of what appeared to be a water bottle, gagged, started to giggle and blurted out, "Someone got the idea about the brown smoke up the chimney and it just went from there! It was just a joke for God's sake. It's not like it's the end of the world or something! What's the big deal? It's not like it's the first time the church blew some brown smoke up the worlds chimney!"
The Cardinals will renew deliberations tomorrow morning after attending en masse a meeting of a local twelve step program.