Obama to Ban All Social Media Sites in the U.S.

Written by JasmineO

Wednesday, 2 January 2013

image for Obama to Ban All Social Media Sites in the U.S.
Yes I Can

BREAKING - This new year is hitting the entire United States with an enormous surprise from the White House. House and Senate have endorsed and passed a bill to ban all social media sites such as Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.

Closed door meetings debating this issue have been going on, unknown to the public, for over a year now in order to prevent an uproar from the public. President Obama is currently reviewing the bill and it will go into effect immediately once he signs it, allowing entire social media sites to be blocked in the U.S. permanently.

The new law is intended to bring people back to more personal forms of communication and to cease the fanatic need to "share" everything. Americans will go back to communicate how we used to not so long ago - a time when you would have to call or email people individually to catch up and connections were usually more deep because of it rather than posting to cyberspace and waiting for people to "like" what you have posted.

When questioned, President Obama briefly stated, "People don't enjoy the moment they live in to the fullest anymore because they're too consumed viewing the moment through their cameras and posting to social media sites. If this country wants to move forward, we have to focus on bettering the individual and our values, a belief that has propelled this bill forward for the good of the nation. Just because we have the technology, doesn't mean it's good. Americans need to reevaluate their values if we want to be productive as a whole."

A study done by NYU student Cindy Matthews early last year on over 1,000 people ages 14-38 who use social media frequently has found that 96% of the respondents don't care about what their "friends" or "followers" have to say or post. The study revealed that the majority of people just want others to see their posts, and that they only really care about a handful of people in their social network which they get updates from in person anyways.

Critics of social media point out that these sites are forms of procrastination for the many, a means of lowering and heightening self-esteem for the young, and a tool of advertisement and promotion that businesses have done without in the past.

Members of The House and Senate have refused to comment on the violation of the First Amendment rights that guarantee freedom of speech and press which this law threatens.

Will this article be one of the last things Americans post to social media before the sites are blocked?

This story is developing and will be updated.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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