Latest Poll Says Black American Mormons would have Voted for Romney if only there were Any Black American Mormons

Funny story written by Asheville Jack

Thursday, 8 November 2012

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Ann and Mitt Romney boogie off the stage after concession speech

A new Fox News poll out today shows African American Mormons would have likely voted for Presidential candidate Mitt Romney in large numbers, if only there were any Black Mormons.

Romney, reached during a vacation stop in Asheville North Carolina, said he was 'beyond ecstatic" at the news. "What this means," said Romney, "is that the Republican party can look forward to the day when African Americans might actually vote for a Republican."

Romney said he regretted that Mormons once had a rich history of being highly prejudiced against Black folks, telling a small group of wealthy Mormon donors "how were we to know that one day they would be allowed to vote?"

The ex-Presidential candidate went on to say that he held out hope that someday Mormons might actually attempt converting African American to the Mormon faith. Romney noted that as a young man he helped spread the Mormon faith while living in a castle in France but that he would have gladly worked with inner city Blacks too. "Even the forth-seven percent of Americans who live on the public dole need to be saved in Jesus' name.

Fox News commentators were apparently equally thrilled with the poll results. Bill O'Reilly lauded the poll as further proof that Black American Mormons, if there were any, would have happily cast aside "that pinhead Obama," while Sean Hannity just chuckled softly at the mere though of Black Mormons.

Meanwhile, republican strategist Carl Rove told Fox News's anchor Chris Wallace that he is still holding out hope that the nonexistent Black American Mormons votes would be tabulated soon. "It's not too late," said Rove, "for those ballots to give Ohio to Romney. Ohio's the key, don't you see?"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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