Sandy Blows; Gov. Christie Drops to his Knees

Apparently Donald Trump had $5 million burning a hole in his pocket.

After being rebuffed and ridiculed by President Barack Obama following the megalomaniac's attempt to make him his hired stooge, the buffoonish billionaire tried the same idiotic trick with New Jersey Cow and Governor, Chris Christie.

This time he brought the bacon home - about a quarter-ton of it, according to Scalemasters of the Universe, the official weights and measurements bureaucracy for the morbidly obese.

So on Tuesday, at high noon, the goon and his hired loon took their stand on the Jersey shore and together, tried to create enough blowback to neutralize Hurricane Sandy's bluster.

With Trump Towers shackled to the ankles of the enormous lord of lard, the 'donnelled' one hopes to keep his self-built monuments to his equally enormous ego in an upright position, during and after Sandy's visit.

"I'll do whatever it takes to preserve this tribute to my greatness," Trump said of the 50 million tons of dirt and refuse, compressed and stacked higher than a Chinese landfill. "And I want to praise Governor Christie for his great and noble gesture to be my $5-million dollar whore-man."

The governor continued the mindless blubbering by issuing this statement to the assembled reporters.

"It's a true honor to serve the needs of this great man," Gov. Crisco explained as the 120-MPH winds made his excessive lard quiver uncontrollably. "I would do this for Mr. Trump even if he didn't possess enough money to buy me the Presidency in 2016 … and a bag of donuts."

At that point the winds gusted to 140 MPH, forcing the teabagger-turned-sandbagger governor to his knees.

Political experts in New Jersey find Christie's dream of occupying the White House absurd at best, considering he's not even the number one boss in New Jersey, a title held for 33 consecutive years by state conductor, Bruce Springsteen.