Guy Who Picked Sarah Palin for VP Wishes He Did Not Say "Train Wreck" to Describe Anything

Funny story written by alaskamojo

Tuesday, 11 September 2012

image for Guy Who Picked Sarah Palin for VP Wishes He Did Not Say "Train Wreck" to Describe Anything
Told McCain was in the Italian boot, Palin pointed at the Korean peninsula exclaiming "Italy kinda does look like a boot"

Mere seconds after telling reporters yesterday in Cernobbio, Italy that President Obama's Iran policy was a "train wreck," failed 2008 Presidential candidate John McCain who selected Sarah Palin to be his VP running mate regretted using the term.

"I knew as soon as those words left my lips, but it was too late," the despondent McCain told aides within earshot of reporters while shaking his lowered head. He immediately returned and begged reporters to forget about what he just said, even going so far as to totally reverse his stance. "The President's Iran policy is probably the most dynamic geopolitically yet balanced policy this nation has ever formulated towards that country. It achieves sound foreign policy goals while minimizing the risk of war... At the very worst, it is ill advised. Please don't report the train wreck thing," he implored. "Did you ever mail a letter and instantly wish you could retrieve it from the mail box,... or press 'send' and a regrettable email is gone with no way of getting it back? Ditto this," he explained.

"You google 'train wreck' you don't get 'Obama's Iran policy', but you do get 'Sarah Palin' all entries first page... Look here," McCain said (showing reporters his IPad) while reading: 'train wreck -- something distasteful yet compelling. You don't want to stare, but you just can't look away' (

"So big fucking deal, Sarah:

  • Thought the UK was a monarchy ruled by the Queen of England;
  • Thought Saddam Hussein attacked us on 9/11;
  • Had no idea there was such a thing as the Federal Reserve Banking System (FED);

  • Could not name a single newspaper, magazine or Supreme Court decision;
  • Thought Africa was a country;
  • Thought North Korea was our ally and did not know why there were two Koreas;
  • Thought the land on the other side of Wasilla Lake was the 1,200 miles distant Russia;
  • Thought the horse riding Paul Revere was crying out 'The British are coming' to warn the British;
  • Thought Dutch dikes were in Norway;
  • Thought 'Freedom of Religion' meant secular law would be based on the 'law of the Bible and the Ten Commandments';
  • Thought single payer Obamacare was bad socialized medicine while admitting her family went to Canada to avail themselves of the good single payer health care there;
  • Thought we were at war with Iran;
  • Thought New Hampshire was in 'The Great Northwest';
  • Did not know what the Vice President's duties were except the mistaken belief the VP 'runs the Senate';
  • Thought the English Channel was a BBC language learning TV station, a perfume (Chanel #5), and that The Chunnel was the waterway connecting the Atlantic Ocean with the North Sea.

...And these were just the coherent things she said," McCain sighed.

"OK. Such a long incomplete list as this that leaves listeners stupider for having heard it are still less catastrophic than some of the world's worst train wrecks with all the twisted mangled wreckage of hundreds of derailed train cars," McCain said putting it all in perspective. "Granted, gentlemen, with the exception of the Wasilla Lake and English Channel stuff, none of the above things Palin said would even qualify as satire since she actually said them," McCain said, apparently trying to convince himself.

"Then how can you say, sir, she was not a train wreck, given that even Fox News fact checkers confirm that Palin said most of these things," asked Geraldo Rivera? "In fact my boss at Fox, Roger Ailes, was so taken with her penchant for falsity he gave her her own show."

"Sarah Palin was the best possible VP pick at the ti... OK. OK. Alright already. You win," McCain caved. "She was the absolute worst VP choice ever," he finally conceded. "Now will you please just report that instead of my train wreck statement," he begged once more?

"Sorry, sir, I already pressed 'send'. Can't get it back," apologized Rivera over his laptop.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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