Written by Lady Sybilla

Sunday, 12 August 2012

image for Ian Somerhalder Pulls a Britney and Shaves His Head Bald
Ian Somerhalder as El Vampiro Nosferatu

VENICE BEACH, CA - Vampire Diaries star Ian Somerhalder has reportedly shaved his head bald according to sources close to the actor. It is not clear what may have prompted such a drastic decision on his part, but there is one demographic that is extremely pissed off about it, and that is TVD fandom.

And don't even ask about his girlfriend Nina Dobrev, who recently said she wasn't going to "pull a Miley" when asked if she planned to get engaged to her beau of nearly two years. If Nina Dobrev doesn't pull a Miley, let's hope to God she doesn't pull a Kristen Stewart either, because God only knows what Ian Somerhalder would do then. Heck, he already pulled a Britney, so there's no telling what he'll do next.

Papparazzi in Los Angeles are currently hot on the trail of Ian Somerhalder who is believed to be in sunny California, kicking it with the homeless bums in Venice Beach and hiding out from local Louisiana extremists. TVD fans in Louisiana have allegedly taken to the streets and are taking a page from the Occupy Movement's book.

According to TMZ, Ian Somerhalder was forced to skip town after he received an anonymous tip via Twitter, claiming that Vampire Diaries fans in Louisiana were pissed off at him and were out to get him. According to the tip, TVD fans began organizing a protest when the actor tweeted a picture of himself, standing outside the barber shop where he'd just shaved his head bald.

Conspiracy theorists have responded by blogging that Ian Somerhalder may have suffered from a nervous breakdown after studio execs refused to let him audition for the coveted role of Christian Grey, the lead character in the upcoming film adaptation of the smash hit book series by E.L. James, Fifty Shades of Grey.

Others are sounding off their complaints on Twitter, which is currently over capacity due to the onslaught of trending tweets mentioning Ian Somerhalder. Many tweets seem to indicate that the actor's decision to shave his head bald is due to his upcoming role in the Mexican remake of the German vampire film, El Vampiro Nosferatu.

Meanwhile, TVD fans in Louisiana are so pissed off at Ian Somerhalder for shaving his head bald, that they have hit the streets with large signs, Rastafarian bongoes, megaphones and, yes, tents.

No word yet on whether legendary protesters Zach de la Rocha and Tom Morello will make an appearance, since they might be too busy housin'.

The demonstration is said to have started this past Friday, August 10th, right outside the Mystic Grill, which is where Ian Somerhalder's TVD character, Damon Salvatore, usually gets wasted and picks up willing blood donors of the female persuasion.

By Saturday morning, Vampire Diaries fans from all major cities of the United States had descended upon the Mystic Grill to chant that they are "the 99 percent." Authorities reported that an angry mob is currently camped out in front of the entrance to the Mystic Grill, demanding to find out why Ian Somerhalder shed his signature black mane.

Since Ian Somerhalder's rep couldn't be reached for comment, papparazzi are rumored to be posing as beach bums in a last-ditch effort to track him down in Venice.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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