Written by b kenneth mcgee

Saturday, 30 June 2012

A leaked memo from the Romney campaign made public this morning indicates the presidential candidate is instructing his staff to, "Serve no whine…before its time!" Romney further elaborated on the old Paul Masson commercial by telling his spokesmen to only whine when cornered by the media or otherwise compromised by facts and other incidentals beyond their control.

According to media reports, Romney was quite explicit in his instructions to aides. "Whining is a last resort," said the candidate. "Go on the offensive if asked a question that you can't answer. If a female reporter asks a difficult question, pat her on the head, tell her, you've come a long way baby and call her sweet cheeks. If she becomes angry, ask her if she is having her period." He paused and then continued, "it works every time and if one of these vultures catches you in what they like to call a flip flop, just tell them that one man's flip is another man's flop! In other words dazzle them with your rhetoric."

At this point an aide speaking on condition of anonymity reports that Ann Romney got up and quietly left the room. He heard her saying under her breath…"How could I marry such a douche? He gets worse every year!"

Aide: "Governor, What if you are caught in what is obviously a false statement, you know, a challenge to your veracity?"

Romney: No problemo! Hold up your three middle fingers on your right hand and reply, Scouts honor!"

Aide: "Is that all?"

Romney: "No, of course not! If all else fails, start to whine, whine some more…and say socialist over and over again until they shut up!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Topics: Mitt Romney

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
52 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more