A Clearwater, Florida woman who switched her baby with another woman's is now suing the other woman for 18 trillion dollars. The woman, Fredrika Five-Fingers, claims the kid from the other woman has caused her 20 years of heartache and financial loss. Apparently the baby grew up to be a elementary school dropout and is now serving three life sentences for such crimes as murder, robbery, rape and putting a groucho mask on a frog.
Her biological son, on the other hand, has grown up to be a mathematical and musical genius and entrepreneur who owns a startup company worth millions which sells amalgamated vulcanized Toad Flax. No one is quite sure what amalgamated vulcanized Toad Flax is but it just sounds so fucking cool say you have one, which is why they probably sell so well. For some odd reason his biggest customer is the Organization of Left-handed Witches with Leaky Caldrons.
"I just cannot believe things turned out this way", lamented Mrs. Five-Fingers. "Our entire family has been made up of nothing but elementary school dropouts, felons and candle stick makers. When I was in the maternity ward and found out that the other woman already had two kids that were child geniuses, I figured that by switching the babies we could finally turn our family's fortune around".
"I guess I should have seen the signs of things to come right-off. Hell, we barely got out of the hospital and were waiting at the bus stop when the little fuck got arrested for stealing an I-Phone and taking up-skirt pictures of the women walking by.".
"At the age of three he already had 3 misdemeanor convictions and was running a fencing operation for stolen dog poop. The idiot was just like everyone else in the family before him. Good intentions, lousy execution".
"When he was 12 he managed to mortgage off the farm and lost all the money in a business venture to grow truffles on the moon. After losing the farm we asked if we could stay with a neighbor and he said sure, just take the basement in the shed. When I found out that there was no basement in the shed and told him, he answered me: 'That's the point'".
"This is so horrible and to think that my biological son has become such a rich genius. I deserve a good portion of the fortune that he has earned that family".
In an interview with the woman who is being sued she simply stated: "She has no case. It is not her biological son because after she switched the babies, I switched her baby with that of a family of geniuses. As a matter of fact, I switched all three of our kids. Our whole family is made up of complete idiots. That's why I switched them all".
