Obama's Secret War on Fast Food

Written by Adam Click

Tuesday, 13 March 2012

image for Obama's Secret War on Fast Food
"My Bologna Killer has a first name...."

If it weren't for his name, the death of Nascar Mayor the third in oregon wouldn't have raised any eyebrows. He had long since been disasociatesd with the company that bears the name of his Ancestor. It is now a part of a national conglomerate.

His death,coming only the week after that of America's most famous commercial icon Michael Jackoson (Pepsi) and the week before the death of the lessor known but equally important fast food icon, the Taco Bell(a former Pepsi company)Dog, Gidget, signal only the tip of an enormous icebergian conspiracy by the current administration, here-to-after reffered to as the Junk Food War.

Mr. Obama's Junk Food War, spelled out in documents acquired under the Freedom of Information Act, details an expansive and intrusive government intervention into the private business of fast food. It's a war which targets promenient personalities who have endorsed food stuffs thought to be harmful if consumed in large quantities.

Those who don't acquise to the administration's wishes soon find themselves on the outside looking in, their fortunes greatly diminished. Go too far and they might find themselves pushing up daisies instead of pedaling tacos.

Such was the case with Mister Mayor whose constant promotion of weiners and lunch meats made him an easy and highly visible target.Enjoying retirement, Mr. Mayor had no inkling of what was about to happen until it was too late.

Touring the grand canyon in his own personal wiener mobile, Mister Mayor was merely following the directions his GPS unit was giving him when a burst of static and a sudden loud voice commanded him to "Turn left now!", sending his wiener mobile on a collision course with the canyon floor.

Such are the tactics of this ruthless and uncaring government entity which will stop at nothing to see that Americans eat right. Furthermore it appears that other top government officials are part of the conspiracy. Kathleen Sillybus, Dictator of Health and Humane Cervices, and First Laddie, Michael Obama, are among those mentioned most often.

"I'm not saying you should panic," cautioned Morley Barfed, president of the Fast Food Commercial Actors Guild," but if you do one of these commercials, you might want to do just that."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more