RNC Wagged Wasserman

Funny story written by waterman

Saturday, 10 March 2012

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RNC Tail, Wasserman is Dog

NewsMax has just revealed that Debbie Wasserman Schultz, current Chairman of Democratic National Committee, is actually a "double-agent" who was recruited for her position by members of the Republican National Committee (RNC). Wasserman fircely denies the claim, saying she would never participate in such a scheme. Well perhaps, at least wittingly.

This is what is known so far. Beginning some time in the very early 2000's, a RNC team began an under-the-radar nation-wide search for a female that exhibited all the key qualities that they felt would work to their party's advantage, should they be successful in their ploy to infiltrate the DNC with a high-level mole. An unnamed RNC insider who was involved in the caper told us that those qualities included "anything that makes a person repugnant to the general population- just an overall obnoxious personality." Some of desired qualities included an unappealing nasal voice, a snarky condescending demeanor, expertise at gesticulation - particularly finger-pointing, and ability to look anyone in the eye and tell a giant lie without any visible sense of shame. Also, and perhaps most importantly, a boundless ambition.

"We interviewed hundreds of women" said the RNC insider, who is currently writing a tell-all book. "We knew we hit the jackpot as soon as we found Debbie." What makes this intrigue so amazing is that Wasserman never realized (and still denies) that she was being interviewed by, and later played by, her political opposition. "It was the only way we could do it if we hoped for her to maintain her bona fides among her peers," said our anonymous RNC contact who uses Jack as his pseudonym.

Jack went on to say "Debbie had just captured her first political position when we decided to "recruit" her. It was a seat in Florida's congress. We knew early-on that we had a winner when she gained so much media glory for her attention to minor liberal-weenie causes like swimming pool safety and Save-the-Manatee campaign. That last one was my idea, by the way. In any case, our mole on the inside of the Florida Democrat party continued to give her guidance on how to manipulate the political process, and particular, the DNC. Before long. she was playing own her party like a fiddle, completely unaware that her mentor was working for us. By 2006, Debbie got appointed to the Democratic Steering and Policy Committee. This is the point at which we felt her own ambition and obnoxious behaviors would continue to elevate her in the Democrat party without much further assistance. Our mole began to withdraw."

The RNC had very little more to do with Wasserman until 2011, when they again used their Florida Democrat mole to bring DWS to the attention of President Obama. By April, Obama announced that Wasserman was his choice to lead the DNC. And just as Jack and the RNC interview team had predicted, it was her natural off-putting persona that immediately struck a familiar chord with Obama, thereby winning his favor.

The Republican conspiratorial motives paid off early on. In one of her first interviews, she gained national attention stating "The Republicans have a plan to end Medicare as we know it. What they would do is they would take the people who are younger than 55 years old today and tell them -We're going to throw you to the wolves and allow insurance companies to deny you . . . " . Of course, internet fact-checkers soon proved her statements false, but that didn't deter Wasserman. She has since gone on to make routine outrageous false claims about conservatives of every stripe, with conviction, and therefore, without any evidence of shame that might otherwise betray her background.

"Probably the most successful mole effort we have ever undertaken" says the involved RNC insider. "Every time she opens her mouth, more and more moderates and undecideds come to our side. We hope she has a long, lustrous career as DNC chair".

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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