Written by b kenneth mcgee

Thursday, 1 March 2012

Rick Santorum, candidate for president of the United States of America, announced this morning that he had introduced a plank in the GOP 2012 platform to send all high school students with a SAT score above 550 to re-education camps. "What we don't need," said Santorum, "is more snobs in this country! Just look where this brought us in the last four years!"

As the crowd of his supporters yelled, whooped, and did high fives, Santorum continued: "We have had enough of the elites thinking they are better than the rest of us!"

The crowd shouted in unison, "No more professors, no more books, and no more snobs' dirty looks!"

Santorum closed with the following: "And as an incentive to those that attend the re-education camps, the first four hundred and thirty-five that take their SAT scores from above 1200 to below 730, we will re-district the congressional district in their area and elect them to congress!" The crowd shouted in unison, "No more jobs for snobs! No more jobs for snobs!"

In related news, McDonalds, Arby's, Taco Bell, Burger King, and twenty other fast food restaurant chains announced the addition of 150,000 new outlets that will require hundreds of thousands of new jobs flipping burgers, washing dishes, and cleaning toilets. The American Restaurant Association issued a statement that reads in part, "America's unemployment problems are no more. These are real American jobs for real Americans! USA! USA! See you at the Drive Thru! "

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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