Jon Corzine Fingers Mr. Potter; Says Life's Not So Wonderful

Funny story written by Michael Balton

Friday, 9 December 2011

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Washington DC - Failed hedge fund CEO Jon Corzine yesterday called on a House Subcommittee to arrest Henry F. Potter, a Bedford Falls banker and slumlord, for fraud and malfeasance in connection with the collapse of Corzine's MF Global Hedge Fund and Building and Loan.

Speaking before the House Subcommittee for Farmland and Fertilizer, the former governor and United States Senator said he wasn't sure how $1.2 billion in customer funds vanished from MF Global's coffers. But he recalled that the last time he saw the money, Uncle Billy was counting it.

"Uncle Billy was supposed to deposit the $1.2 billion in Potter's bank," Corzine said. "But he was overexcited that day because my brother was coming back home after serving 10 years in Iraq. Somehow, Potter used uncle Billy's confusion to get his hooks into that cash."

The subcommittee suspended Corzine's testimony and called Mr. Potter to the witness table. Potter took the fifth when asked what he thought happened to the $1.2 billion, but he did have a message for Jon Corzine, which he read into the record.

"Look at you... you used to be so cocky. You were going to go out and conquer the world. You once called me 'a warped, frustrated old man'! What are you but a warped, frustrated little clerk... crawling in here on your hands and knees and begging for help?"

At that point, Corzine moved to strike Mr. Potter both from the record and out of existence, but he was restrained by his attorney Clarence Oddbody. "It would be easier to get my wings with American Airlines than with this jerk," the counselor was heard to murmur.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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