Written by Abel Rodriguez

Wednesday, 23 November 2011

image for Ex-Penn State Football Coach Jerry Sandusky Emailed Officer John 'Pepper Spray' Pike Saying "Thank You! Thank You! Thank You!"
Police officers shown standing guard in front of Jerry Sandusky's home. (Photo courtesy of Nancy Grace).

UNIVERSITY PARK, Pennsylvania - Members of the news media are reporting that for the first time in over a week, the former defensive coach of Penn State University Jerry Sandusky has managed to smile.

According to Sports Territory Magazine Sandusky sent an email thanking University of California at Davis campus police officer John "Pepper Spray" Pike for knocking him off of the front pages of the nation's newspapers.

Sandusky's email simply read, "Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!"

The gray haired old geezer as Wolf Blitzer calls him was alleged to have said that it's a sign that maybe he isn't as guilty as people think he is or maybe he is more innocent than he thinks he is, which he said will all come out in the shower. He quickly caught himself and said that he meant to say wash.

The former Penn State football coach who is facing up to 700 years in prison for charges ranging from purchasing counterfeit footballs to stealing players jock straps and selling them on eBay has been in seclusion and reports are that he may be moving to an isolated location.

An inside, reliable, unnamed source stated that he overheard Sandusky's auto mechanic Gunther "Muffler Mouth" Duckdorf say that the disgraced coach could be moving up to Alaska.

Meanwhile, Officer John "Pepper Spray" Pike is catching so much hell that he is seriously thinking about shaving his moustache, having sexual reassignment surgery, and relocating to Russia.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Stop - Warning

The story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature.

This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

To confirm you have acknowledged this warning, and wish to continue to read the article, please click the following link.

Otherwise, please click here to go back to the home page.

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
48 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more