President Declares Martial Law Due To Peaceful Protests Becoming Too Violent

Funny story written by alassandra2000

Wednesday, 16 November 2011

The President of the United States has declared today that, due to the peaceful protests going on around the country being way too violent for the public's safety, there will now be Martial Law, a State of War, and a State of Emergency due to Disaster, nationwide.

Said one expert about the President's decision on this matter, "you have to admit, this really works out well for the President. The declaration of Martial Law gets rid of the whole annoying voting thing altogether, so he can continue unimpeded with his agenda. Four years really isn't enough time to do all the things a man like him has planned, which will be along similar lines as what has been seen from shortly after he took office. Any hope of changing things that any Americans had will no longer be a problem for him."

Another expert elaborated on the subject when asked if declaring all three was a bit of overkill, "with the Patriot Act II in place, this means that the President can declare a State of War, without Congress declaring such, and Congress can't look into the why of it for six months. This gives him plenty of time to come up with a likely excuse. Add the power FEMA, a federal government agency, is given during an Emergency state? Let's just say, it is extremely all encompassing. He has got the whole thing wrapped up nice and tight."

There are two states that may not be included in this Martial Law mandate, due to threats of secession. They are, of course, Texas and Montana, (and the Florida Keys, but that's because they secretly seceded years ago, its just nobody knew about it). Other than that, everyone else is going to have to go by Martial Law from here on out.

Which really shouldn't upset anyone all that much. After Liberty Park was cleared out, most people went back to sleep again, anyway.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more