Written by Asheville Jack

Wednesday, 9 November 2011

Hey!

The story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

image for Herman Cain - "I Have No Memory of Ever Being the Head of the National Restaurant Association"

Washington - In response to new allegations of sexual misconduct while the head of the National Restaurant Association, GOP presidential hopeful Herman Cain said today he has no recollection of ever being the head of the National Restaurant Association.

"That simply didn't happen, that simply did not happen," Cain said about his alleged role at the National Restaurant Association from 1996 to 1999, adding that he doesn't remember exactly what he was doing during those years but it sure wasn't that.

Cain said the "Democrat machine" could be behind the sexual allegations. Or maybe it was the other Republican Presidential candidates, referring to Romney as "that silver haired white guy from Massachusetts, you know "what's his name" or to Perry as that funny acting guy from Texas who he knows only as "Fat, Puffy Hair Man." Cain said he didn't know for sure because he couldn't remember who he thought might be causing him all these problems yesterday let along today.

Cain's campaign manager, who Cain calls "that Smoking Guy," said that despite his memory lapses that Cain was still eminently qualified to be president of the United States. "In the tradition of recent Republican presidents, none of whom Cain can remember either, I believe his poor memory will serve me well as President."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!





Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
90 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more