KEYSTONE, South Dakota - Former Vice-President Dick Cheney was visiting The Mount Rushmore National Memorial where he was accompanied by his long time gardener Chang Fu Bang.
Chang Fu has been employed by Cheney for 40 years. In fact, Mr. Bang named his first born child after the former vice-president.
Dick Bang has grown into a lovely young lady and she is presently studying Ancient Aztecan Dentistry at Left Coast College in Carpinteria, California.
Cheney was recently interviewed by Sinclair Petaluma, a reporter with Political Salad Magazine.
Mr. Petaluma asked Cheney how things were going with his recent upper lip transplant. George W. Bush's former vice-president replied that the operation had been a success and he really did not want to say anything more about it preferring to keep a stiff upper lip.
Petaluma complimented him on his clever pun.
"What pun?" Cheney asked as he took a sip from his bottle of Corona Light.
Cheney was asked how his latest book Political Recollections Which I Clearly Remember As Being Exactly The Way I Remember Them.
He was asked if the chapter dealing with his feud with Wheel of Fortune letter turner Vanna White was really as heated and as nasty as he revealed in his book.
Cheney shook his head and replied that a lot of people think that Vanna White is this real nice, sweet, middle-aged woman next door, but he found her to be as mean as a pit bull chasing a Chihuahua with a Big Mac in its mouth.
He was asked about that time at a formal White House dinner in honor of a high ranking Pakistani dignitary in which Paris Hilton, who was sitting next to him had reached underneath the table and playfully touched Cheney's "Little Fella."
Cheney turned as red as an Indianapolis fire truck and said that what really happened was that Miss Hilton had dropped her dinner roll and she was merely trying to discreetly retrieve it off of his lap where it had somehow fallen.
Petaluma then asked Cheney about his involvement in the infamous Weapons of Mass Destruction scare tactic which was made up so that President Bush could get the support of the American people and go after the individual who had insulted his father by saying that he threw a baseball like a girl.
Cheney got serious. He cleared his throat and put a strawberry Tic Tac in his mouth. He then told Petaluma that he had written in chapter 17 of his book that he had positively nothing to do with the idea of the so called Weapons of Mass Destruction scare tactic.
The former vice-president took another sip from his Corona Light and remarked that President George Bush, Secretary of State Donald Rumsfeld, and Talk Show Host Elisabeth Hasselbeck had all met at an El Taco Terrifico Diner in Arlington and together they had dreamed up the cockamamie story about the WMDs.
When asked where he was during this very important meeting, he giggled and replied that he was sitting in his secret underground bunker watching reruns of All In The Family.
Dick Cheney is 70. Elisabeth Hasselbeck is 34. Vanna White is 54. And Chang Fu Bang is 56.
