Shocking Photos of Mitt Romney Suckling the Breast of a Woman, Neither his Mother nor his Wife

Written by KRS

Thursday, 3 November 2011


The story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

image for Shocking Photos of Mitt Romney Suckling the Breast of a Woman, Neither his Mother nor his Wife

Late last Friday, revealing photographs surfaced on the internet of GOP Presidential candidate Mitt Romney. Pictures depicting Governor Romney with his lips wrapped around the areola of a woman that is definitely not his Mother or his wife.

On Monday, Romney 2012 spokesperson Andrea Saul told NBC News anchor Brian Williams, "These slanderous and outrageous assertions mark a new low in American politics." When asked by Williams if Romney could provide a detailed list of women he had suckled (and their phone numbers and or Facebook listing), Ms Saul said, "Certainly not! We will Brian, when you, President Obama and Bill Clinton reciprocate."

Late Monday, when shown prints of the explosive internet photographs, Romney's older sister Margo told the media; "That sure looks like Mitt and Bonny." When asked who the Bonny was, Ms. Romney would not be any more specific. The Romney for President 2012 staff was asked for a comment on Gov. Romney's sister's certification of the photos, the committee released a signed Press Statement outlining Romney's categorical denial of ever nursing any woman except his wife...and possibly his Mother. On the latter point, Romney asserted he has no recollection.

On Tuesday, Romney 2012 campaign manger Matt Rhodes told Fox News; "Governor Romney has never touched, oogled or sucked the breast of any woman named "Bonny," and that Mitt's sister Margo may be confusing Mitt with brother, Scott. Governor Romney is an active member of the Mormon Church and a strong believer in family values and for the last time, he flatly refuses there is any truth to the story. I suggest if you follow the trail of this story, it will lead to Texas."

Fox News' Sean Hannity asked GOP Presidential hopeful Michele Bachmann for a comment on the story. Rep. Bachman told Fox News," I WASN"T the first this time. I have no information and feel any further commentary would be inappropriate." Ann Coulter told this reporter that the bottom-of-the-barrel nature of this story had all the hallmarks of the Democratic National Party.

Wednesday morning NY Times reporter Jim Rutenberg traced down a woman named Bonny Hartley, who claims those are her breasts in the internet photographs of Mitt Romney and she told Rutenberg, "Those were good times in my life. I had both of the Romney boys and they were loving and quite gentle." When asked how long the relationships lasted, Ms. Hartley said she was with each male Romney for about a year.

Following the revelation of the extended relationship, Governor Romney called an immediate Press Conference to clarify his position. In his hastily called press briefing, Governor Romney told the fifth estate, " It was a long time ago and I did not establish any lasting bond with the woman." There was an immediate iPAD frenzy in the press, as everyone was busily sending news stories to editors and screaming into iPhones while Romney continued. "Ms. Hartley was our wet nurse for about two years when Dad joined Nash-Kelvinator in early 1948.

Sadly, over the tumult in the briefing room, no one heard Governor Romney's final remarks. By 2:00 PM, Governor Romney's polling numbers had dropped (15) points and the Tea Party was demanding he drop out of the race and endorse Michele Bachmann or Rick Perry.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more