Rose West To Publish New Cook Book

Funny story written by Sidney Bollocks

Saturday, 3 September 2011


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Britain's most notorious female serial killer, Rose West, is reportedly about to publish a cookbook, according to a prison service source . West was sentenced to life in prison in 1995, having been convicted on ten counts of murder and various dodgy home improvements, which didn't have planning permission.

The book, which has the working title 'Cooking The Rose West Way: Cullinary Creativity In Confined Spaces', focusses on recipes involving the use of only a single gas primus stove and a slow cooker. The development of her recipes has been made possible by Rose's good behaviour in prison and the gradual increase in her privileges, allowing her to cook for herself and her fellow child killers, whom she resides with.

Rose's favourite recipe is her 'Braised Backpacker'. This requires one 20-22 year old female Scandinavian, seasonal vegetables and some dumplings. The meal is cooked using Rose's specially adapted slow cooker, which has settings for 6 hours, 12 hours, 16 hours and 25 years. After all, time is something she has plenty of.

As her privileges increase, Rose is hoping to add a chapter on outdoor dining. Tentatively, she is thinking of naming this chapter 'Dining Al Patio'. It is unlikely, however, that a roadshow and book signings will follow.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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