Bereaved mother urges young men to "think before taking spaceship jobs"

Funny story written by Kate_UK

Friday, 2 September 2011

A grieving mother who has lost two of her sons while working on spaceships today urged other young men to "think before applying for these jobs"

"It's just not safe" the woman - who wished to remain anonymous - urged "It may seem glamourous but it's really dangerous. I wouldn't wish this on any other mother".

Her eldest son, known only as A, left home five years ago to work on the spaceship USS Enterprise as a junior crew member. She recalls the day he left home "He looked so smart, in his brand new red jumper. He was so excited about joining the crew. Captain Kirk himself had interviewed him and said he had real potential."

But tragedy was soon to strike. Shortly after embarking on his first mission, A was asked to accompany the Captain and First Officer onto an unknown planet and jumped at the opportunity to make an impact on his superior officers. Sadly, however, he was separated from the others and found himself in a cave, filled with a spooky gas. He was overwhelmed with the fumes and died within seconds. Luckily, the others escaped unscathed. "He died a hero" said his mother.

Understandably, she was reluctant to allow her second son, B, to follow in his brother's footsteps but when he was offered an command post under Lord Vader on his vanguard ship, he persuaded his mother to let him go.

"At first, it was fine" she recalls "He phoned home all the time and was really enjoying life on the Death Star. The wages and conditions were good and he was getting on well with his fellow soldiers."

Trouble started when the mysterious deaths of several of B's superior officers caused him to be propelled rapidly through the ranks. Soon, he was answering directly to Lord Vader.

"That's when things began to change" his mother said "He seemed under a lot of stress at work. He said his targets were ridiculously high, he was struggling to achieve them and the rebel scum kept defying him. It wasn't his fault - quite frankly, it was poor management from Lord Vader. But he really took it upon himself."

Things came to a head one day, when he was called into a performance review with Lord Vader to discuss his failure to capture the rebels. He was never seen again. His mother called to try and speak to Lord Vader directly but couldn't understand him through "all that management speak - and the heavy breathing, of course".

With two sons gone, her hopes now rest on the youngest son, C. She hopes that he will learn from his brothers' mistakes and avoid signing up with any large space corps.

"I think it'll be fine" she said "He hasn't shown the slightest bit of interest in intergalatic travel. In fact, I think he's going to pursue a career in medicine. Just last week, he met a nice man called The Doctor, who has promised to take him under his wing and train him up. He even mentioned some "adventures" they might take together. Yes, I think this'll work out very well indeed...."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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