London - An industrial tribunal heard today how seedy vegans attempted to oust the former Governor of the Tower of London from his prestigious Beefeater position.
Major General Keith Cima described how 'enemies' in an anti-bullying investigation left a cannabis plant in his grace-and-favor allotment.
The 10ft x 12ft Queens House plot is part of the tied accommodation that comes with the CEO's job and is supplied with free stable manure from the Royal Coach House.
Cima also described how suggestively posed vegetables - including an upright 2kg butternut squash flanked by a pair of knobbly celeriacs - were left on his doorstep in a belittling slur on his manhood.
The Major General was also stalked by veggie-type female whose hideous unshaven armpits - er...attempts to lure him! - to a squalid tryst had all the hallmarks of a sordid honeytrap.
He is pressing for immediate reinstatement to his £75,000-per-annum position and appropriate compensation 'about the butternut squash biz'.
The Tribunal continues.
