London - Someone rifled through HM's drawers and made off with dozens of pairs of Bridget Jones-style undies, a Palace footman revealed today.
Also missing from the royal inventory are two dozen George III silver teaspoons, an Ormolu candelabra in the style of Pierre-Philippe Thomire and a bejewelled lavatory seat from the Belgian Suite's composting loo.
Towelling bathrobes, hotel-style shampoo bottles, silver-plated beer coasters and monogrammed be-crested Buckingham Palace linen have also vanished since the Obamas' departure.
"We can't say for sure who's made off with the booty," Palace Chamberlain Lord Luce-Cannon commented.
"Maybe one of the security service honchos with a penchant for Waist 44 ladies undies is to blame."
Fortunately the Queen has dozens more pairs of her favorite Victoria's Secret briefs, some tagged with thief-proof SAT-NAV-aided tracers.
"It's probably that kleptomaniac Camilla once again," a US embassy source commented.
"About time they locked her up and threw away the key!"
The Duchess of York is 69.
