Blair Denies New, "Lock Up All Bin Lookalikes" Terrorist Legislation is Racist

Funny story written by Monochrome

Thursday, 13 October 2005

image for Blair Denies New, "Lock Up All Bin Lookalikes" Terrorist Legislation is Racist
Tony Blair with a Cross Section of the British Public

Tony Blair today denied accusations that proposed new anti-terrorist legislation which allows police officers to, "Arrest anyone who looks a bit dodgy and throw away the key." is extreme and racist.

"Look, I'm just interested in what's best for the majority of the British people of whatever ethnic origin and the police are right behind me on this." Said a sincere looking Mr Blair using his most expansive hand gestures.

"I asked the Police what they needed to combat terrorism and they told me, ‘Give us discretionary powers to arrest anyone who we don't like the look of; anyone who looks a bit foreign, especially those Bin Laden types trying to use public transport and carrying luggage.'

"I told them that I thought it was a bit unfair to pick on one section of society how ever justified, so we've simplified it to, ‘Anyone who the police don't like the look of.' They seemed to be pretty happy with that.

"I trust the British Police to use their discretion on all occasions. All this stuff about endemic racism in the police is history, just because the majority of officers are white, male and right wing extremists it doesn't mean that they can't put aside their personal views and conduct themselves in a professional manner while undertaking their duties.

"The ordinary citizen going about his or her daily business has nothing to worry about; as long as they are not doing anything to raise the suspicions of a police officer such as being of Middle Eastern appearance, carrying a rucksack, using public transport or going to a Mosque. What's racist or extreme about that?"

Mr Blair denied rumours of dissent amongst his ministers over the proposed legislation.

"Look." He said, making eye contact and wrinkling his brow, "Not everyone is going to agree with everything all of the time but we're a team and we discuss these things and make compromises. I don't just dictate policy. I and my colleagues talk all the time and thrash out our differences until we all agree. We've been talking to those who have doubts and now the whole government is on board.

"I've always found over the years that most people can be persuaded when confronted with the idea of indefinite incarceration."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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