Written by dutch

Tuesday, 22 March 2011

image for Gravitational Pull of "Super Moon" Causes 5 Ships To Run Aground Off Isle of Wight

A series of freak phenomenon have taken place on the Isle of Wight due to the recent supermoon which has recently caused everyone on the Isle of Wight to go bonkers. The recent full moon has caused a lot of people to go literally "around the bend" and to start attacking other people.

A spokesman from bus company, Sputhern Vectis, said, "Our drivers are riding 'shot-gun' on their own buses and are afraid of being attacked if they refuse to give change for a fare from a twenty pound note."

The super-moon has exerted a strong gravitational pull on the tides off the west coast of the Isle of Wight and has caused 5 ships to run aground near the Needles off the coast of the Isle of Wight.

There have been legends of the moon causing lunacy and also legends that when there is a full moon there will be outbreaks of shape-shifting and were-wolves and women will go into labour.

The moon has also been blamed for violent behaviour in mental hospitals where patients have to be sedated if there is a full moon to prevent them harming themselves or each other and their carers. It has been discovered that when there is a full moon the mental patients are more agitated and violent than normal.Staff at Whitecroft Mental Hospital tell scary old stories of the lunar eclipse when one of the patients went berserk and a fellow inmate had the top of his head sawed off.

Horror writer James Herbert has often stayed in an old haunted house in Ventnor when he is seeking the muse to come up with a fresh, new idea for a book. He said, "Until the Middle Ages the Isle of Wight people worshipped the Moon Goddess Hecate. There is very strong primal energy here which you can tap into; however, you have to be careful because if it is unleashed all manner of hell could be released by Lord Bealzebub."

It is a well-kept secret that there is a strong witches coven on the Isle of Wight which meets every full moon on the top of St Boniface Down by the radar station. The nubile witches cavort naked Britt Eckland style and they have taken inspiration from the cult film, "Wicker Man".

The portrayal of lunacy by Jack Nicholson in "The Shining" shows how the dark side of the moon can affect the human psyche and cause insanity when living isolated away from civilisation.

All over the world the recent Supermoon has effected the ebb and flow of the oceans and one little island has encountered a noticeable change in the flow of its tides. Coastguards were yesterday called out to the aid of five ships which had been grounded between the Needles and Needles point

The coast-guards said "blame it on the moon" they superstitiously believe that the pull of the moon has caused a huge ship called the 'Paula C" to run aground on sand-banks off the Needles on the western side of the Isle of Wight.

There is a superstitious belief that as the moon is closer to the earth that it has been for decades that strange Druid rituals can be held.'Blame it on the super moon!' Five modern ships run have run aground off the British coast as lunar phenomenon has lowered the tide level.

Lets hope that soon there will be no more lunar madness and that the Isle of Wight women's menstrual cycles will go back to usual.

The Gravitational Pull of the Moon is said to have caused both the earthquake and the subsequent Tsunami. Dark forces have been unleashed by this millennium super moon and more trouble is expected when the beast is to be unleashed at the Isle of Wight Bestival in July.

Islanders are darkly muttering about the gathering of old rockers for the wedding of Kate Moss which is to be held on the Isle of Wight when the rockers will be staying in Dursley manor. "It doesn't look good for the morals of the Isle of Wight", said one old biddy on a bus to Newport. We don't like the 'overnors' coming here and desecrating out lovely island which is God's little acre."

So suspicious are the oldies on the Isle of Wight that only one in ten of the over seventies have been off the Isle of Wight to Portsmouth and they believe that if they leave the Island their souls will be stolen out of their bodies.

Let us hope that the tourists won't be put off and that Blackgang Chine is able to use the legend of the full moon to beguile the tourists; with tales of the smugglers wrecking ships on the vicious rocks off the Isle of Wight; and stealing bottles of brandy when the contraband was washed ashore on the beaches.

James Herbert is hoping to write a new horror novel set on the Isle of Wight about the lunacy of a former staff-nurse at Whitecroft who went bonkers and started murdering her patients. He said that he will give a proportion of money, from the sale of his new book, as a donation to the Friends of Whitecroft Hospital in order for them to buy new armchairs for the Day Room.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: moon, Isle of Wight

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