Written by Jack Melling

Wednesday, 16 February 2011

Destroyer of music JLS have been asked by David Cameron to try and sell his failing Big Society.

JLS were asked by the Prime Minister to sell the idea as the past few years have shown that the boyband will sell anything and, like the Big Society, is a load of manufactured rubbish.

David Cameron or Big C, as he has now asked to be known to appeal to younger voters, called JLS "the hippest boy band around" and the perfect advocates of his grand vision.

The government has faced criticism for cutting key public services while encouraging people to volunteer for nothing as part of Big Society plans.

One of the services being cut under Coalition plans is public toilets, however, JLS have responded to these controversial plans by changing the lyrics to their hit song "Everybody in Love".

In a Big Society promotion video, the band sing "Everybody get up, and clean that piss up, everybody get up, so what are you gonna to do, I'm gonna get up and clean that poo" before ripping off their tops and letting random girls smear shit all over their six packs.

The promotional video was shown at the Big Society re-launch by David Cameron who swapped his usual suit attire for the classic JLS look which included crotch-drop jeans, top hat, t-shirt with the v-neck as far down the chest without revealing the nipples, fingerless gloves and a waistcoat.

After speaking about his future plans for the Big Society, which was once again as vague as humanly possible, the Prime Minister drew no reaction from the audience. So following advice from JLS, decided to lift up his t-shirt to reveal his bare stomach.

However, this once again drew no reaction, apart from closest homosexual William Hague.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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