London - (Claw Enforcement): A cat named after a Spoof writer has been hired by the Prime Monster to deal with Downing Street rats.
'Gay' Larry the Cat has been given his orders to rid Whitehall of a notorious vermin, known locally as 'Nick Clegg'.
Suspected of being a bubonic plague carrier the feisty male rat has a startling facial similarity to the Deputy PM.
Larry's arrival this week sees a few disgruntled faces not least of which is Mrs Miriam Clegg.
Apparently the po-faced Spanish shyster lawyer is allergic to the new pussy.
"Actually, it's entirely mutual," the Cabinet Secretary's coke dealer said this afternoon, "Larry will go nuts if he sniffs Miriam's odor around the place.
"Bad enough when other exotic pussies strut their stuff like they own the place..."
Expect the fur to fly as early as tomorrow.