Written by IainB

Monday, 20 December 2010

image for Sending Coats to Newcastle
He might have to put a coat on!

The weather in Britain continues to plumb new depths and cause the bottom to fall out of thermometers. With temperatures plummeting to minus twenty, setting records as it goes, the people of Newcastle, effectively referred to as Geordies, have proclaimed it cold enough to wear a jumper.

The manager of the Newcastle branch of Primark is amazed.

"We've had this stock of jumpers since 1974," said Mark Spencer, manager of the Newcastle branch of Primark (who is amazed). "We've never sold a single one, until Saturday. Suddenly there was a mad surge of people buying up every woollen sweater, corduroy cardigan and Argyll pullover we had in stock. I've never known anything like it."

Shops across the Tyne and Wear area are bracing themselves for even more clothes purchases.

"Normally, we only ever sell Newcastle shirts," said Spencer. "I'm foreseeing a trend, and I've ordered some coats. Head Office didn't believe me and I had to repeat myself five times before the daft buggers realised that I wanted some coats to be delivered to Newcastle."

The typical night time scene in the centre of Newcastle of tottering women in five inch heels and shorter skirts with their men in a skinny tee-shirt with 'tabs' rolled into the sleeve has been replaced by women in trousers and men in jumpers.

When asked why, one Geordie looked at the snow cascading from the sky onto an already frigid landscape.

"Well, it's a bit nippy, aint it, pet?"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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