"Assange" added to dictionary

Funny story written by MonkeyInTheBath

Friday, 17 December 2010


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Julian Assange, the alleged rapist

The verb "to assange" has been officially added to the Oxbridge English dictionary this week, in honour of the whiney attention-seeker Julian Assange.

"To assange" is officially defined as "to act in a criminal manner and then to behave smugly and self-righteously as if such behaviour were to the benefit of the general population."

Mr Assange is currently famous and infamous as the head of Wikileaks, a website which plunges the depths of journalism by releasing only private information from various peoples. If you thought the News of the World were being immoral by setting up celebrities and recording them, you ain't seen nothing yet.

Wikileaks is funded by a misguided group of morons who think that revealing state secrets is a human right, and that nobody's emails should be private. Their whole raison d'etre is that they expose very ordinary things and talk them up as if somehow a diplomat's assistant's opinion is an earth-shaking political story.

As Jeffrey Dahmer might have said, "My murders were just my 'assanging' phase."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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