Written by IainB

Monday, 13 December 2010

image for SantaNav leads Father Christmas to Ffestiniog by accident
Residents may eat white bread only. Brown is banned.

Resident's of the greyest town in the world were amazed yesterday as Father Christmas rolled up in his sleigh pulled by several reindeer. Santa was on his way to Finland fir the annual "Father Christmas Look-a-like" festival he has attended every year for the past two decades in the hope of winning.

To date, the highest he has placed is fifth, but he is forever hopeful.

Unfortunately, Saint Nick was using his patented new SantaNav that can purportedly take the owner to any address on the planet, and has unlimited stops on route, allowing it to plot the most efficient route to every chimney in the world. It contains the GPS co-ordinates of every house, as well as notifying the owner of the height of the building, and the kind of materials used to roof it. It will even alert Father Christmas to any local by-laws prohibiting the flying of reindeer below three hundred feet.

Ordinarily, Santa would have had no problems with the device, but he struggled with entering the name of the Finnish town he was heading for, due to the lack of vowels.

"I think he was cold as well," said local Ffestiniog resident, Ivor Greybeard. "He said he was typing in 'Festival', but with the shivers he mis-keyed the address and ended up here."

The local children of Ffestiniog were amazed to see the red clad figure of Santa roll into town.

"We're a pretty good setting for a black and white film," said Greybeard. "There is no colour in this town at all. It's all the slate, see. Nothing grows here. The only time it's not grey is when it's white because of the snow. Or black. At night, see?"

Colourful clothing was banned in the town in 1974 after three residents went blind and mad.

"I liked seeing Santa," said one small boy called Gary. "He gave me a fire-engine. But me dad took it off me and made sure it was destroyed. He said we don't need fire engines, cos slate don't burn, and he didn't want me scaring the other kids."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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