Written by Jack Melling

Thursday, 2 December 2010

Whistle-blowing site of the obvious, Wikileaks, is set to reveal more 'shocking' truths next week in further fresh revelations.

This follows a week in which the website exclusively revealed America is wary of Iran, members of the Royal Family are slightly racist (and a bit dodgy), most governments think Kim Jong-Il is mental, the US and British governments backed each other during the Iraq War and that people are slightly worried about Pakistan's Nuclear Weapons falling into the wrong hands.

However, all of these 'shocking' revelations are going to seem mildly surprising in comparison to next week's Wikileaks announcements. These will include the following:

- We are in a recession.
- The French like to strike....a lot.
- The Chinese government censor the internet and have a poor human rights record.
- Obama is black.
- David Cameron and George Osborne both went to Eton and are a bit posh.
- Mussolini is a womaniser with a particular fondness for young ladies.
- Sarkozy is short.
- Sarah Palin isn't very intelligent.
- Neither is Bush.
- Dappy from N-Dubz is a chav.
- Freddie Mercury was a homosexual who liked to sleep around.
- George Michael likes to visit Hampstead Heath on a regular basis, while having a cheeky smoke.
- Bill Gates is really, really rich.
- Osama Bin-Laden is hiding somewhere.
- Simon Cowell is destroying the music industry.
- It has snowed in Britain.

Wikileaks was going to release stories about the pope being Catholic and bears shitting in the woods, but thought this would be too much for people to take.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Wikileaks

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