WikiLeaks Blamed for Yellow Stains on Pentagon Walls

Written by P.M. Wortham

Thursday, 2 December 2010

image for WikiLeaks Blamed for Yellow Stains on Pentagon Walls
WikiLeaks Yellow Stains appear just below this Pentagon sign.

Reportedly taking advantage of the press coverage provided by the WikiLeaks website, groups of vandals are riding the publicity bandwagon by engaging in some leakage activity of their own, on government buildings in the Washington D.C. area.

Yellow stains have been reported on exterior walls of the Pentagon, the Washington Monument and the Senate steps, with a spray paint tag that reads, "WikiLeaks on You". Secret Service agent in charge, Haywood Jaschutme describes the mayhem, "We have caught the vandals on video, though they seem to be wearing hoods and masks to hide their identities". The adeptness at which the vandals were able to direct the yellow streams, suggests they were all male.

Popping up on U-Tube late yesterday, the three vandals in question have posted their own videos showing their artistry with fluid. With what appears to be a gang logo on the back of their sweatshirts that reads "WikiLeaks 3", their personal videos tell a different story about the potential identity of the assailants. Filming the staining of the Pentagon, one of the members is seen with a mustard squeeze bottle in hand, and shows signs of pectoral heft and girth.

"They may be women, I mean it is plausible", says Jaschutme, "Given the stress of the situation, it's sort of hard for a dude to unzip and let it fly when you know the camera is rolling and that you could be caught at any moment". Lab testing of the stain tends to support the latter theory, indicating they were from a watered down mustard solution. Jaschutme added, "Mustard stains. Man, those are a bitch".

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more