Pope Benedict XVI has said the use of condoms during sex is acceptable if they are removed prior to male ejaculation, according to new book 'The Teet.'
In a series of interviews given to a German journalist he said condoms were more versatile than there primary function suggests and were more than just the jizzy adornments of the casual sex maker.
'Condoms have many merits, with significant benefits to those suffering from penile dysfunction. A friend told me the small size is particularly adept at sustaining blood pressure of a sexual nature for larger membered men.'
'In this instance the Church would have no problem with one being used during sexual intercourse, so long as it was removed prior to ejaculation.'
He went on to give further instances of a non-sexual nature where condom use would be justified.
'A balloon artist overseeing a child's birthday party finding him self one balloon away from completing a farmyard set of animals can use one to finish his act and no sin would be committed, providing the phallic receptical at the tip of the condom is removed and recycled.'
'Equally if someone is hanging on for dear life from the edge of a cliff and a condom gives you the length required to complete the rescue, then by all means extend it towards them. But an appearance at confession from the both would be anticipated.'
Disgruntled Catha-holic Theresa Might was dismayed, 'this is moral impotence. Perhaps a small sized condom could assist in returning that softening moral stance to the hardline we had become accustomed to.'
Gay rights campaigner Peter Twatchel welcomed a hardening of any nature and paid little attention to Pope Benedicts words.
'The Bible says turn the other cheek. Well I turn my others cheek at least once a night, so this hasn't changed a thing.'
