Blair's make-up habits scrutinized after massive overspend

Funny story written by Noddy Bigears

Monday, 25 July 2005

image for Blair's make-up habits scrutinized after massive overspend
Blair makes-up his own political image?

Tony Blair's makeup habits are being scrutinized after a massive overspend has been discovered following a parliamentary question. Government whip Lord Bassam of Brighton disclosed the appalling figures in response to a parliamentary question tabled by Tory peer, Lord Hanningfield. So far, whilst in office since 1997, the PM has spent a total of £18.8 million pounds on cosmetics to cover the cracks in his appearance, the peak spending being during the ‘war of words' during the 2003/2004 debacle on the existence of WMD.

The PM is allowed as part of his Parliamentary allowance, a full time hairdresser and beautician, but it appears he has used ‘the cash in kind' to either do it himself or let Cherie practice on his good looks. This is considered surprising, since Michael Howard, the Conservative leader, and Charles Kennedy, the leader of the Liberal Democrats, like all politicians, also use cosmetics in front of the cameras although their exact expenditure is not known nor are they allowed a Parliamentary allowance towards the purchase or cover the cost of experts to apply such products. Many political commentators believe Michael Howard would have made huge progress in the last election round if he had applied the correct grade and tone of fake tan products to his vampire like skin shine.

Sandra Bellezza from ‘The British Society of Beauticians and Hair Dressers' commented "It is a shame that Tony has set such a bad example and bad job of doing it himself. Even his wife should know better than to use such an awful mix of colors and textures." She purred and giggled in her soft voice "Any of our members would have been privileged to give him a deep facial cleansing followed by the correct application of foundation and appropriate colors and lip gloss but we couldn't do anything about his pip-squeak voice, strange staring eyes, he'd need cosmetic surgery to sort that lot out. Maybe he could have a buttock and boob job at the same time as well as get rid of those wrinkles under his eyes?"

Even the Labour Party internal regulations have strict guide lines for the politically correct facial foundations made from organic natural products to be only ever initially tested on dead animals or ex-communicated Labour Party members but so far these have never ever been tested against on an active Labour PM. Lord Hanningfield confirmed during the Parliamentary questioning that etiquette guidelines have been breached and that there may have to be an investigation from the MP's Internal Affairs and Abuse of Cosmetic Privilege Committee.

However, even if Tony Blair is found guilty of abuse of office and cosmetic applications to conceal his true intentions and identity, it is unlikely that he can recourse to sue any of the original manufacturers of the cosmetic products as adequate immunity protection cannot be guaranteed unless they explicitly guarantee cover-ups in their instructions.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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